November 14, 2011

8 Tips For Surviving A Divorce

Divorce is a legal process with enormous social and personal consequences.  As Portland, Oregon divorce lawyers, we are in the habit of giving legal advice, but in talking to and working with clients have seen some struggle and some thrive through and after the divorce process. This post isn’t legal advice, but personal advice based on watching people go through the divorce process for almost two decades.

Is your spouse in the situation of saying “I don’t”? Like “I don’t want to be with you anymore”, “I don’t love you anymore”. In facing a divorce, you may be tempted to do things out of anger, distress, or frustration that you may regret in the future. The following 8 tips can help you through a difficult time to a better place.

  1. Don’t be a loner. Isolating yourself will just make you feel sad and you’re giving yourself more time to pity yourself. Surround yourself with loving people because positive vibes will help you regain joy. Especially when it’s a holiday, don’t be alone. Try to be with friends or family.
  2. Don’t start bad habits. Now’s not the time to drink more or start other bad habits. Treat yourself. Go to a parlor, gym, restaurant, or the mall. Make yourself important. This is the time to prove your spouse that it’s not your lost if they want a divorce. Take care of yourself.
  3. Don’t jump into a new relationship. When you’re ending your marriage, you are in a state where in any opposite sex that can comfort you will be a candidate to be your center of attention. You may just mistake it for love but it’s not. Avoid a rebound relationship. Allow yourself to heal and grow. Don’t be pressured by your friends. You alone can tell when you are ready for a new relationship.
  4. Don’t let your ex’ belongings stay in your place and vice versa. It will only make you remember the pain when you see things that belong to him or her. Make sure nothing will be left behind when he or she moves out. This way it is easier to move on.
  5. Don’t keep on blaming. Stop blaming yourself or anybody about what happened. This is your destiny. You will soon get over it. And you will find out the answers to all your questions as to “why” when the right time comes. Don’t let your self esteem suffer. Pick up the pieces and stand up.
  6. Don’t assume and don’t expect. Don’t assume the judge will be in favor of you because life is full of unexpected things. A divorce can be with surprises sometimes. Just be open and ready to whatever the decision will be. Take life as it comes.
  7. Don’t avoid communicating with your ex. This is okay if your ex was not abusive; but if not, you should try to be civil for the sake of your kids. If there is need to talk about your divorce or marriage then just listen and talk with respect.
  8. Don’t be bitter for so long. You may feel angry towards your ex but you can’t be like that for the rest of your life. It will not do you any good. Just think, he or she was once a part of your life and you had some good times together. Give yourself a time to bring out all the pain and then stop. Past is past, you should look forward. Let go.